I feel I can relate very much to all you said. We work so hard to learn and to be better persons, and then it all goes away - it’s feel so futile at times to even try (but of course we continue to, just as we should).

I love it here as well, and get terrified when I think that I won’t be here anymore and won’t ever feel or think anything again.

I’ve been afraid of death since I was capable of forming memories (~4 years old), I always believed that life is too short. I’m sure we all know we cannot do anything about it, which makes me more scared and feel even more unfair. Sometimes I rather not have been alive at all, then I wouldn’t even get the chance to feel this fear, and suffer.

From reading the comments, I realize that you people out there are suffering from a much severe case, where you constantly think about it/feel it. It only happens to me when I intentionally think about it, but the feeling is so vivid…the feeling of not being able to think/feel, and ever know what will happen ever again.

Yea I also agree in wishing that we could come back to Earth, but I don’t like the idea of reincarnation much, maybe because I am selfish; I want to be on Earth, with my conscious not somebody elses’. I wouldn’t mind being reincarnated as any organisms though, as long as I’m on Earth, with my conscious….well that’s my wish ahah, won’t happen of course.

I figure it’s really because I love and enjoy being on Earth, and do not ever want to leave it…does that go for anyone else?

Thanks for reminding us.

Brian,

Thanks for writing! No doubt it would be interesting to return to Earth and see things from another perspective, bur preferably with keeping one’s awareness and earned knowledge so far in existence.

The issue I posted on was death. I submit that anyone who is afraid of death read the post of nearly two years ago.

email me with questions………ggallerygeorge@AOL.com

i want to comment on this subject because i am not your average !7 yo you know the one. who gose around vandleizing stuf and causeing trouble no IM am not anyof thise things. i am frank the one who has always beleaved in trying to do the right thing not because of god or because IM trying to impress anyone because i beleave in helping others becasue it makes you feel good in side and knowing that you have made a small diffrence in another persons life. i treat others the way i woul like to be treated and i am sencire and dont lie at all. here is my story

on october 24th 445 am i was in the bath and listening to music i herd a song on the radio about love and romeo and juliet i had got to thinking about the person i love her name is melissa and i am in love with her she is my best friend and dosent know it we have know eachother for 3years and she and i would make a great couple but she is with my other best friend adam. then after thinking about her i got to think about romeo and juliet and how they died for there love and i told myself that if i died i wouldnt be happy with the life i live and i got to deep into thinking about death that i starte crying and thinking that theres nothing after this and i had such a horribel fear it is undiscrible. i quickly got out of the bath and layd down to try in sleep but it came back the same feeling and i cryd once more and cryed. and remember IM not a person who belaves in god. but my fear was so stronge that i cryd and felt hopless so i layd the with nothing and feeling empty so i began to pray “god” i said “please help me i want to beleave in you i want to beleave that there is a heaven that we dont just die” i sat there pondering for a min and then i finished my prayer “god please show me a sign that your there anything anything at all”.

december 13 2006 324 am one of the more colder times of the year a few friends a decided to hang and drink beside a bong fire. it was around 1am when we began drinking and still frezzeing our asses off it was me abran my best friend who i could go to for anything and he had my back. but unfortenitly this night wasnt one of them. as i said we were drinking and it was a few of us it was late and we were all just out of it and one of our mutal friends nene a 12yo boy who hung with us quite offten decides he wants to go home but he makes the decition to stay at abrans house who lived about ten houses down. he asked abran walk me to your house abran sayts no and he asked me i said fine hes wasted and in wasted we begen to head towrds the back gate i thought to myself ill stay till he falls asleep and ill go back> we arrive and open the garage door where theres a bed and a tv where we chilled offten. i lay hm down and he begens to talk go to sleep i said he says well IM not tierd i knowing that he is say ok well just try to sleep off the alcohol i say hurry up and go to sleep so i can go back a big mistake. he says your not staying i say no IM just going to stay till you fall asleep he says no IM not going to sleep cause your gonna leave me here and me the genius !5yo that i was say fine ill sleep to thinking to myself he will sleep if i say i will but that wasent my plan it was to let hm sleep and me go back. but oh how that back fired i lay there thinking when is he going to sleep then i hear a faint voice say hey you up i say yes go to sleep he says no i cant i say go to sleep he wispers imh morny and i say waht go to sleep dude. but thinking to myself that hes crazy IM 15 and hes 12 he turns my way and touches me. i dont refuse him i let him and i let hm carry on. it got further and hore intense then out of nowhere the garage door begens to open and my heart begens to race fast as it gets higher i pull up my pants as quickly as i can and try to make myself look asleep. abran and two others walk in and look at me and yell whats taking so long me with my pants half off trying to look like IM sleeping say IM waiting till he gose to sleep. they were sespicious and abran pulls the blanket off and he thinks the worst he thinks that i raped him\. he takes a step back and yells get out leave right now> i say alright man chill let me tell you what happend he yells it again get out i dont care leave. as i pull up my pants the rest of the way. one of the othe kids say lets fuck him up and i say man fuck you IM leaving and the kid says it again lets fuck IM up i look at abran he closes his fist and as i begen to turn to walk out the kid who had said it punches me in the face and i shove him out of my way and he comes back and hits me in the baack of the head and as i begin to turn to fight back all three rushed towrds me and start jumping me and they throw me to the ground and begin to stomp on me. om on the ground telling them leave me alone and the keep going i grab one of there legs and drop one he falls and they help him up and i knew that that was my chance to try and get away i get up and run i turn around and say i thought you had my back i thought we were brothers to abran and the kid who said lets fuck him up runs behind me and hits me in the rib with a bike handle bar. i try to run and with my rib hurting and my mind out of it i go to a friends house and ask his dad for a ride and he asked what happen i say i cant tell you and he aske were you with aran when this happen to you i say hes the one who did this with 2others. and he asked again what happen i say i cant tell you he takes me home and i tell him thanks thanks you i will probibly never see you again and i say IM sorry i cant tell you and he says can i trust you to tell your mom and i say i have to. i get to the dorr and my mom opens it i forgot to say that i had called her from my friends house. i tell her every thing and shes so disapointed in me and filled with rage. we couldnt go to the police because i feard for my life so we didnt go to the hospital either. the next day i wke up with a knot the size of a softball on my head and a busted lip. my my is up and she dosent even look at me i think not for that whole day. i tell my dad let me borrow the phone he give it to me and i gow down stairs i sit on the couche hurting and not knowing what i was going to do. i pick up the phone and dial abrans nuber i get int o a corner and put the phone against my ear it rings i dont know what IM going to do but IM a do it i said in my head he picks up i wait like7sec b4 i say anything i say abran its frank and he says what thefuck do you want i say let me tell you what happend he say man fuck you if you ever come around here you dead and i say so this is how you want to end it like that he says fuck you and hangs up.

october 25 2008 i get on myspace and look at my messages i have one new message its from a girl yesena one of my friends sister who i knew way back when me and abran were still friends i had messages her like 4 months before she replyed and told her if i could talk to her to get a few things off my chest i knew she knew abran and that night had haunted me till that very day i had nightmares where abran killed me and dreams when were friends again. she said in the message yeah sure i dont get on offten call me and i text her and told her what happend she didnt know anything about it then she text me later that night ad said hey miguel wants to talk to you he said he and abran feel bad about the whole thing and IM scared and happy at the same time and she says he want to really talk to you and i say if thats what you think is best she says only if you want to and i say yeah give him my number. although migiel had nothing to do with it he abran and i were all really close we were like brothers. miggs texts me thats what i call him and he says hey whats up i say so you talked to your sister he says yeah. i say so you wanted to talk to me he says yeah man me and abran have ben lookingfor you for a long time. i say really he says yeah dude abran regrets what he did to you and he wants to call you to say sorry i tell him dude IM crying right now cause i dont know how to feel about it. i told him that i felt like it could be a set up or it couldnt. i said dude i never wanted anything more then for he and i to talk and he gave me his nuber and said he want you to call him. i call it rings and i wait i say hi he says francisco i say abran he says so what up i say wel you tell me he says i dont know dude we have ben trying to reache you for a long as time isay nothing he sas i wanted to say IM sorry for what i did. i stay quiet and i begin to say dude i dont know how to feel i lost i thought you hated me and never wanted to see me again he says naw dude i wanted to find you and IM crying and trying to speak i mumble dude you have no idea what i went through and he says i know dude thats why i wanted to find you to say IM sorry and i say no dude you dont need to. he says i want to and i say dude i know you do i eplaind to him how i felt and he listen this time and i told him what happend and he said sorry and i said IM the one whos sorry and he said dude all i want for us is to be friends again and i say thats all i ever wanted. he says me and miggs would love for all of us to chill again like old time and i say i dont know if i can cause i still am having mixed feelings abbout this. i told him that i dont know if it could be a set up and he said me and miggs thought you might think that and he sadid thats why you pick the time and the place and i sadi no if you guys really want to be friends again then theres no need and then on cot 29 we hung out ant talked for the first time in almost 5 years. and just like that the biggest mistake and regret in my life just dissapers gone forever me and the only thing closes to a brother that i have are talking working things out. i have never wanted anything more then to have my friend back even though he did what he did knowing that he knows what he did was fucked up gives me closeure and insures me that we can work out our friendship.

i to was afraid of death and was not a beleaver of god and when i asked for a sing he gave me a miracle

Thank you for writing!
I agree, if there were some guarantee about consciousness, I think a lot more people could relax - it’s too bad that, most likely, we will never have something like that.

I’m happy to hear that your husband supports you and, from what I understand, understands what you’re going through and how you feel.

And as long as you cn get some comfort by visiting here, you’re more than welcome!

I have read books, articles, watched t.v programs and televangelists searching for some relief from my fears.

If only I knew that conciousness didn’t end with this life I could move on and just live. One thing that has brought me some relief from time to time is reading/hearing stories of spiritual experiences by those who are dying. Some of these stories are quite inspiring.

Another thought that sometimes brings me a little relief is that so many people have went before us. There are so many awesome people who have already taken on the great unkown. I don’t know why that would bring any comfort but for some reason it does a little.

My husband is confident that there is an afterlife. His mom passed away from cancer and he was with her when she died. He says that while it was a mentally exhausting experience it was also very spiritual for him. He is always telling me that if I could find faith in the overall scheme of things I would find peace. He also believes in God though not the typical Christian verson of God.

Anyway, it’s somewhat comforting to find others who are going through the same thing I am. x

Thanks for sharing!

In this forum, feel completely free to express whatever you feel - you’re amongst peers here, so we are already “infected”.

Thanks for writing such a clear exposition of how I feel. Luckily I don’t get these feelings with the regularity that you get them but certainly the intensity! It is so debilitating to get these thoughts. I have however tried very slowly to face them. I breathe more slwoly and try to hold on to the fear rather than turn away.

I find it so so difficult. My other fear is not being able to discuss it with anyone as I don’t want to “infect” them. So I keep coming back to this thread of conversation read and re read the thoughts of others to try and gradually diminish the potency of the thoughts.

Please write back

Pete

Thank you very much for sharing!

The idea of eternal nothingness IS my idea of hell

I couldn’t agree more. Personally, I just struggle to compress that thought, but now and then it surfaces. What I try to do, though, is telling myself I have a choice: either be afraid of dying my entire life, or live life and just push away the inevitable (since I can’t control nor affect it in any way).

To me, at least, most of the time it helps.

I can truly relate to what you wrote. Fear (or dread, or terror — there really is no adequate word to convey the emotional severity of it) of death consumes me. It has on and off since I was 7. But it is now worse than ever. (I turned 29 about 6 weeks ago.) It is with me every minute of every day, hijacking each and every one of my toughts, sapping whatever happiness I’m on the verge of mustering, destroying any sense of drive and ambition in my life.

I have found that, for me, joy and a love of life are impossible with the reality of eternal nothingness hanging over me — and the broader reality that the universe is an accident, that conscious life is even more of an accident, and that both will almost certainly be wiped out some day. There is no point to any of this. It terrifies me. Terrifies me. I have panic attacks late at night when I let my mind fixate on the implications of this, bolt from my bed shouting, and turn every light I can find on. The relief is hauntingly temporary.

What I have never understood are the people who, like me, lack faith in an afterlife who claim to be fine with it — who use words like “peaceful” and “beautiful” to describe eternal nothingness. Or the ones who say something like: ‘There’s no reason to fear death — you won’t feel anything.”

But that is EXACTLY what terrifies me — the idea that I will never feel anything, never know anyone, every again. For all eternity. People say it’s no different than the billions of years before our births, but there is one key difference: Our ‘nothingness’ before birth was NOT permanent. It ended, and our concious existence was the result. The nothingness that awaits after death IS permanent. There will be no end to it. Ever. I take no comfort in the idea that, in death, I’ll simply return to where I was before I was born.

I have heard religion criticized (among many other reasons) for filling people’s minds with visions of hell and eternal torment. Many atheists take comfort that their “afterlife” involves none of this. Not me. The idea of eternal nothingness IS my idea of hell. I can imagine no lonelier, more awful concept than it.

I want so badly to believe in some kind of afterlife, some continuation of conscience. But I am a battered and beaten man. Science, reason and logic have an answer for ever glimmer of hope I’ve ever been able to find. I have nothing left. I am shattered.

Before these past few months, I had many periods of happiness in my life, times when I managed to suppress thoughts of death and to convince myself that it was so far off that it wasn’t worth thinking about. No longer. Maybe I’ll live a long life and 29 will someday seem young, but I have seen how quickly time moves. Death — a dark, loney, empty, terrifying eternity — is near. This is too much for me. I can’t enjoy anything in life. I try to go out with friends, to watch TV, to read a book, to see a movie — but the utter reality of eternal nothingness grips my mind. I am defeated. I have no hope.

I’m sorry for the depressing tone of this, if you (or anyone) read it. But this is all that runs through my mind all day, every day, and I don’t want to burden anyone around me with it (anymore than I already have). I would give anything and do anything to have some real, meaningful hope that death is not what logic and reason tell me it is. I sometimes wish I’d never been born. And the thought of bringing a child into this world — absolutely not. I don’t want anyone to have to deal with what I am dealing with.

I am not religious but I believe in hell. And it is the fate we are all sentenced to after our lives here, no matter how we live them. I am absolutely terrified.

Well, personally, I wouldn’t completely agree. Sure, to a certain point it’s about ego, but I also guess it’s about not accepting a fate we can’t control, both for ourselves and for others.

Nick,

You’re welcome to be my friend.

Interesting aspect about time, I never really thought about that. I mean, I do think about time, and that as time goes on our lives inevitably go on as well, but never pondered when our time is taking place in the bigger scheme of things,

I found this because I pasted into google’s search window the words to a song I’d just started writing (sometimes Word shuts down and I lose everything when I try to save, so I copy and paste whatever it is I’m working on into pretty much anything else that’s readily available for safety’s sake. I just pressed “search” out of curiosity of what would come up, I guess. This post is strangely topical considering what I googled):

God bless what’s left of your life
May it be long
If you want it to be
May you never find yourself
In such a state
Afraid of living
Afraid of dying
‘Cause everyone’s either dead or they’re dying
And if you’re not laughing about it you’re crying
God bless it, your life, whatever it is

On a train
Of all means of travel
And the whole way home
I could feel myself…just…unravel

I had everything I needed
And everything that meant nothing to me
In my suitcase
And through the window I could see…home

Well the weather had changed
Since I’d last been here
The season showed in the trees
And the air was cold and clear

And I could smell and hear and see
The only reason I had to be
Anywhere at all
I was home

None of it makes any difference, really, but I’ve had the thought that since time is really irrelevant, we never really die. What I mean is, right now, you’re alive. Right now, ALL THIS (our lives) is going on. The fact that it’s going on RIGHT NOW means essentially nothing–our lives could just as easily have happened a billion years ago or they could have happened a billion years from now. So, in a way, this particular time when we’re alive is always happening because it could’ve happened at any time, it just happens to be right now.

Wow, I had no idea that concept would be so difficult to convey, or sound so stupid. It makes sense in my head, anyway. It doesn’t change anything, it doesn’t change the fact that we’re going to die or anything, but it’s just one way to look at things.

Thanks for writing!
And absolutely, it seems like the more we have to lose, the more terrifying it gets. On the other hand, if you’re currently so happy that you’re ready to go, I’m happy that you’re so content with your current life.

I think it’s up to each and everyone to try and handle it the way that makes them feel best. Some need to constantly think about them to make them feel less important, some people need to focus on the good things in their lives, while some (actually) feel better by just suppressing the fears.

However, my personal belief is that it’s a good thing for most people to talk about it, either in forums (online or in real life) or with your loved ones.